I guess I should start blogging huh? This is probably just going to be more of an on-line journal for me. I may publish it someday. I may not. Today I'm feeling pretty down for a few reasons. First off, my store is gonna go out of business and the people that I have really grown to LOVE are no longer going to be a daily part of my life. I'll be able to find another job, and probably pretty quickly. But I wont see Amanda anymore, I wont see Wes anymore, and I wont see Jerod anymore. These people have become like family to me. I am sure I will stay connected to Jerod and even Amanda, but Wes probably wont keep in touch. I am really dreading this and its breaking my heart.
On top of all that, my best friend from High School./College has been diagnosed with cancer and is undergoing Chemotherapy and I know this is selfish, but I feel totally left out and unimportant. We haven't been close for many years, but I have always and will always hold a special place in my heart for her. I hate to see her going through such a tremendous trial and not be able to be there for her. Yes, she appreciates my prayers but she doesn't need my in any other way and that hurts. She has a new best friend who seems awesome for her and Ill glad for her. But I have to admit that I am jealous as well. I was Kim's best friend for years, and now she wont even talk to me. I have tried commenting on her blog, no response, I have tried commenting on her facebook page, no response, I even sent her a long e-mail, no response. It hurts me terrible. Every time her best friend posts something she responds immediately. It just makes me feel like I'm nothing to her and it breaks my heart. I don't expect to be a central figure in her life anymore. We haven't been close for many many years, but I didn't expect to actually be ignored. I called Tammy, another close friend of ours, to tell her about Kim and she already knew. She said Kim's sister-in-law Michelle had called her. I didn't get any such call. I had to find out she had cancer from facebook. I'm not even on her friendship radar anymore. It kills me. I posted the song "Wind Beneath My Wings" on her facebook page and told her she was my hero, but she never responded. I finally took it down because it just made me sad to know she didn't care. Maybe I'm just taking everything the wrong way. Shes going through a VERY difficult time and doesn't have the time to worry about every single person that ever meant anything to her. I try to keep in mind that some people just keep to themselves and don't share much with others. Kim never even posted much on facebook until she became best friends with Stacey. I do know that Stacey is the reason Kim even does facebook so I shouldn't get so up in arms about Kim responding to Stacey and not me. I dunno. Sometime I think I'm just taking things too harshly and I am darn sure that I am being intentionally ignored. Other times I convince myself that nothing is wrong and Im just being paranoid. Its probably somewhere in the middle. Im not close to her anymore so she doesnt feel it necessary to inform of every little thing. It still hurts.
